Deerington Inbox

[trancheuse]

"Oh come on, you can't seriously expect me to respond to every one of these stupid messages that these idiots..."
*BEEP*

Comments

dream spam, mid to late November

[tetractys]

One of the oddest parts of Deerington, for Bill, isn't the blood rivers, or the all-powerful child, or the murder cats. Those things are all fine. Some are even fun!

The oddest part is that people still sleep and dream. All we ever see or seem, or something like that.

It's the familiarity that pulls Bill's attention over to Larxene's dream - who does she remind him of? Archer? Xigbar, maybe? One of those two old cranks. Let's see what's going on in here.

[trancheuse]

Xigbar. Now, that was a name she didn't think about often. That old one-eyed bastard was more of an egotistical pain in the ass than the average within the organization. But somehow, the connection, the shared memory and recollection would make certain thoughts and recollections of him percolating up, mingling with the fact that she'd spent a lot of time working with magical girls lately and ...

This absolutely fucking happened. Congratulations, Bill got to see Xigbar in a tutu as Larxene stared in mingled horror and confusion. "DUDE! THE HELL?!?"

[tetractys]

There's just a calm click-whirr of a camera shutter from her left as a yellow triangle about the size of a dinner plate is hovering in mid-air. Bill's eye flashes white, and a polaroid starts to eject out from a slot that's just grown between the pattern of bricks that marks his front below his bow tie.

"OH YEAH. THAT ONE'S GOING ON THE INTERNET."

He takes himself too seriously. If Bill ever sees him again he's gonna propose a uniform change.

[trancheuse]

Oh man did they ever agree about Xigbar. The only person who took himself more seriously than that egomaniac was Xehanort himself, and the old man was the very picture of 'self important jackass.'

Larxene blinked when the flash occurred. She was not what most would call a 'lucid dreamer' per se. But after a year in this place, she'd become a bit more aware of her dreams. THE FUCK?!?

"I'm not exactly sure which of you is weirder. The old man in a tutu or a talking monetary symbol. No more kombucha before bed."

[tetractys]

"HA! COME ON, GIVE ME SOME CREDIT. HE'S GOT THE LEGS FOR IT, GENDER IS OVER. I'M THE WEIRDEST THING FOR FIVE HUNDRED MILES."

He's shaking the picture to make it develop faster - offers it out to her to check out as the image starts appearing.

[trancheuse]

"That would require me to say anything good about that doofus," she muttered, grunting loudly and giving him another look. Yeah, the pyramid was right. Gender was totally over. That was like last decade, maybe two decades gone, wasn't it? "Fiiiiiiine, he's got the legs and you win weirdo of the year award. Happy?"

He looked plenty happy. "So. Why am I dreaming about my dollar bill talking to me anyway, and who gave you a bow tie?"

[tetractys]

"I DID! WHO GAVE YOU ANTENNAE? YOU PICKING UP PHEROMONES WITH THOSE?"

Bill's hat sprouts two long cowlicks of blond hair. It makes him look like he has rabbit ears.

[trancheuse]

She laughed uproariously. "I'm not a bug, pyramid head!" She was clearly far more amused than she should be, even if amused Larxene was as likely to lightning bolt as annoyed Larxene. "It's magic. probably the static electricity. I swear even I don't know why they do that."

[tetractys]

"WELL, IT'S A DISTINCT SILHOUETTE, ANYWAY. I HEAR THAT'S IMPORTANT. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY GET WET?"

Gonna float into the air and try to pat one of Larxene's hair bits experimentally.

[trancheuse]

She snickered when he did that. There was a little static charge, but this was a dream so it wasn't the real deal. Still, she thought of them as being basically waiting conduits.

"Gets flattened until the moment I dry off. Alright, so you are WAY too talkative or a dream there, big guy. Whoooo aaaaaaare aaaayouuuu?" Yeah, her best impression of a certain caterpillar with a hookah.

[tetractys]

"I'M MISTER I. I MEAN, THAT'S NOT MY REAL NAME, BUT MY REAL NAME TURNS PEOPLE INTO DUST, SO LET'S SKIP THAT ONE."

Also, people are actively looking for a 'Bill Cipher,' and while that's still not his real name it's one he'd prefer to use. Oh well.

"I KINDA STEPPED OUT FOR A BIT ON BUSINESS AND WHEN I CAME BACK THERE WAS THIS WEIRD LITTLE GIRL AND SHE KIDNAPPED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE."

[trancheuse]

She was laughing even harder, shaking her head. "Oh man, that isn't sketchy as hell at all. Love it. Whatever, you do you, just no seriously messing with me and we won't have a problem." She gave him a smile that would cut steel.

"And yeah, that kid's good at kidnapping randos. You get used to it. What business?"

[tetractys]

"HEEEY, HEY, IF WE'RE GONNA MAKE A CONTRACT I NEED MORE SPECIFIC TERMS THAN THAT."

[trancheuse]

"A contract it says, mmm? Hah. I think I know better than to just set one of those up. Let's just stick with names for starters, Mister I. I'm Larxene, but apparently you know the organization. So you might have heard of me." She snickered some. A little more wary, but when was she ever not easy going in her own perverse ways?

[tetractys]

"HIYA!"

Bill's gonna stick his hand out to shake, and tip his hat at the same time.

"I ONLY KNOW THE ONE GUY. HE'S EXPLAINED SOMETHING ABOUT LIGHT AND DARKNESS AND BLADES, BUT IT ALL RAN TOGETHER."

[trancheuse]

Snoooort. She shook that hand and shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, that's the real short version. Light side fight for good and right and all things power of friendshipy. Dark side fights for whatever baldy wants us to while plotting revenge. Yada yada yada. Boo hoo. And the light side won because obviously it did. Do the bad guys eeeever really win?" Pause. wait. Don't answer that yet.

"I mean in any world where that asshole Walt isn't and his idiot mouse aren't involved?"

[tetractys]

"HA! HEY, WORLDS LIKE THAT ARE FEWER AND FEWER THESE DAYS."

Thinking about you, Star Wars and Marvel casts.

"I'M FROM HIS T.V. ANIMATION DEPEARTMENT! HENCE MY LESS THAN GLAMOROUS FRAMES-PER-SECOND."

[trancheuse]

Pause. Hold up. Wait. She squinted. "Wait. Whattaya mean? You mean that bastard and his brother are wrapped up in your world too? You have to deal with that turd Mickey?"

[tetractys]

"YEAH, SURE DO. I PROBABLY HAVE A CHIP IN ME SOMEWHERE SO THE BLACK HELICOPTERS CAN TRACK ME IF I GO ROGUE. HAHAHAHH, TOO LATE."

[trancheuse]

"Oh man. You do know that Walt's actually supposed to be dead right? Not that being dead stops you from being a paranoid fuckstick with a ruler shoved up your ass." ...Roy would blush if he heard that thought.

[tetractys]

"SURE 'SUPPOSED' TO BE. THEY FROZE HIS BRAIN BEFORE HE DIED AND STORED HIM UNDER DISNEYLAND."

Next up on Bill's Hot Takes: the government is controlling the weather, and don't even get him started on Masonic temples.

[trancheuse]

"I've heard that one. I've even heard he's attached to a robot body waiting to attack mankind, haha. He's a regular bogeyman isn't he?" She paused and squinted at him. "You're not one of Xehanort's side projects, I hope. I know Walt's got his fingers in more than one world. Dead or alive."

[tetractys]

"PLEEEEASE. I'M A SELF-MADE GUY! EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE SOME SLEEP-DEPRIVED UNDERPAID OVERSEAS ANIMATOR HAS TO DRAW EVERY TIME I MOVE."

Bill wiggles his fingers around just to fuck with 'em. Just stands there and wiggles.

"IN MY MULTIVERSE, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU GUYS. AND I WOULD HAVE HEARD OF YOU GUYS!"

[trancheuse]

She laughed at that. "Just because we're one world's fiction doesn't make us any less our own people. In so far as a Nobody is ever Somebody, hahaha!" See, she made a funny! Well, she thought it was funny anyway. "Just gotta watch it. You ever get the feeling someone's looking over your shoulder?"

She threw a lightning bolt back there without a second thought and smirked. "Ok. So, we're both from worlds tied to him but not the same ones. So, are you actually IN the Deer hell, or did I eat a bad can of soup?"

Cook your food, Larxene.

(if you dont want to engage with this kinda meta lmk and i can pull this back)

[tetractys]

"YEAH, PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS. ACTUALLY, I GOT A THEORY ABOUT THIS PLACE. I'M HERE, BUT DON'T RULE OUT THAT THE SOUP WAS BAD.

Bill holds out his hands and images start spinning over them, around each other - a ship in a bottle, a town growing out of an upturned deer's skull, a chess board overgrown with roses.

"SEE, IT'S NOT THE ONLY ONE. I ONLY SPENT ENOUGH TIME ON THE SHIP HERE TO REALLY GET TO KNOW IT, BUT ALL THE SIGNS THERE POINTED TO IT BEING SET UP JUST TO HOLD INTERESTING PEOPLE SO SOMEBODY COULD WATCH THEM. LIKE A REALITY SHOW! HERE, IT'S SODDER - BUT IT'S ALWAYS SOMEBODY!"